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When would you start letting your newborn stay overnight at their dads?

Hello, I just had a beautiful baby boy 3 weeks ago. The father and I are not together and his mom is always pushing down my throat that I need to let the child stay over night with him. I; however, am not comfortable with this. I think it's too much for my newborn.

When would you let your newborn start staying over night at their other parents house? Or just away from you in general?

Public Comments

1. Are you breastfeeding? That would be a great reason not to let him stay away for at least the first 3 months.

But in general, I'd say about 3 months. Those first 12 weeks of bonding are so crucial.

2. When you feel comfortable and once you have stopped breast feeding, why dont you offer to stay round there with your baby or ask him to stay at yours for one night? And its not to do with his mum its to do with you and the babys father...! stay strong and do what you think is best for your little one!!

3. Ok well I would not allow him to stay over some one else house to he is at least 2 years old. Now if the dad wants to see him then I would let him take him for a couple hours but thats it. That way you can go eat or go to the store or what ever. I only let my son go up to my mothers-in-law becuase 1. She is just up the hill 2. I need some sleep. I call her to make sure he is ok. But I didnt start doing this to he was about 6 or 7 months old.

4. If you are breastfeeding, you need to be with him for the first few months. This is a time for you, the mother, to bond with baby. His mother needs to stay out of the situation and let her son speak up if that is what he wants. You need to evaluate why you feel uncomfortable with it and speak to your son's father about your feelings and what is best for the baby. Encourage him to spend time with him during the day so he has the opportunity to bond while you are still comfortable with your son's well being. Either way, you are both adults and his mother needs to back off and let you deal directly with the baby's father.

5. Personally, I wouldn't allow it for at the very least 6 months (especially if breastfeeding, maybe even longer). Plus, it's important for mother and baby to be together, especially when they're young. There is nothing wrong with Dad spending time with the baby, but he needs to do it in short spurts for now so baby and dad can get to know each other. If you and his father are on speaking terms tell him you will bring baby over or allow him over to see the baby as much as he wants but that he is not being left with out you. When he's older, then he can spend nights with dad. They can't force you to leave your baby over night and if you are not comfortable with it don't do it.

6. From birth I would let his dad take him for a few hours at a time. At like the 3 month mark I would let him stay with his dad all day but until he was 6 months I wouldn't let him stay over night or the weekend.

7. First I just want to say that this has got to one of the toughest situations to be in that I can imagine! I know this is crucial bonding time, but if the father wants to be a huge part of your son's life, please think about how he feels too. I can BARELY let my 8 month old stay with my mom for a night. But can you imagine not being able to bond with your child? I would consider working something out with him if the father wants to see him, but if it's just his mom then I wouldn't worry too much about it right now.

Try talking to your ex and explaining how you feel and maybe he will understand and you can get an understanding of how he feels too. The baby is just as much his as yours (I'm not trying to be mean) so he needs some crucial bonding time also. This is a really tough situation and I hope you guys can work something out and stay civil for the baby.

BUT if you have ANY concerns that the child will not be cared for or in a good environment, don't go against your gut! Protecting the baby is #1. Best wishes

8. When she was no longer nursing.

If I was formula feeding? Probably whenever. He's as much a parent as you are. It's not ''too much'' for your newborn unless you are breastfeeding. He is her father! She's staying away from HIM all the time- why doesn't that bother you?

9. If you are breastfeeding, then I can see the point. If you're not or you have enough pumped, then the time you're spending bonding is as necessary for HIM to spend. If he is not on drugs, not drinking, and you have no reason to think he's going to hurt your baby, then you're overdue in allowing him to have over-night access.

Yes, staying away from me is not going to happen for a long time, but you don't HAVE that luxury because this isn't just YOUR son. This is someone else's son as well and he has as much right to having the baby with them all the time as you do unless he did something and the courts ruled that he shouldn't have contact.

My nephew was recently in this situation with his ex. They worked it out by her having the baby 3-4 days and him having the baby 3 days usually because that was more fair than her only allowing him to have the baby during weekends or something. If I was in that situation, and had no reason to not trust the father, then I probably would do the same, or try to work with his work schedule and mine.

Add: For those arguing about bonding... the father is also supposed to bond to the baby in the first 3 months. It's not supposed to naturally be a one parent deal, and not letting him bond to the baby is not only not fair, but is possibly setting him up not to be as involved or helpful with the baby.

And for those with bad experiences with your ex's... remember, if there's a REASON for limiting contact then that makes sense. But no reason has been given here.

10. What his mom is asking is very selfish, my advice is don't let your baby stay away from you overnight just so that she can be happy , cause then you and most of all your little one will be so unhappy. I guess you'll be worried and your baby will be crying. And what's the need for all that anyway ? She will be sleeping at night right ? I don't think she'll spend the night playing with the baby so what's the use? just wants to have it her way? Anyways, keep him with you overnight for a few years if you can, until you feel he is ready and really happy to spend the night somewhere else. The reason I'm saying Really happy is because my friend's son is 3 years, and was begging to spend the night at his dad's parents when his dad was going to visit them and spend the night there. And the boy was happy that his mom allowed him to. The next day, the dad told the mom that at night when the child wanted to go to bed, he started crying for his for his mama !

11. I am a pretty big proponent of moms and dads having equal rights. It frustrates me that many women are so quick to label "deadbeat dads" who aren't involved enough, but then complain when a single dad tries to exercise his rights to 50/50 parenthood.

You need to work something out amicably where you both feel as satisfied as possible that you're getting enough time each with the child - this will probably mean compromises for both of you (not just him). If this means that you pump a few bottles and let the baby stay with him once or twice a week, then so be it. I know that pumping isn't ideal for a newborn, but neither is waiting several months to bond with dad. You would have to pump regardless, whether you were letting him keep the baby during the day or the night. If you formula feed, then there's no reason why he can't keep the baby right now.

A lot of single moms talk about what they would "let the other parent do", which really isn't right. That baby is 50% his and he should be involved in every decision, not asking your permission.

12. 6 months minimum. My daughter didn't go overnight until she was 2.

13. I wouldn't allow it until they were at least 6 months old. Speaking from experience, my ex lived with his parents and his mother finally came to me and told me that my ex never did anything. She got up with the baby in the middle of the night, she changed his diapers, bought his food, everything. And because he wasn't calling me or texting me to see how the baby was when he wasn't with him, I stopped allowing visitation since we didn't have anything court ordered. When he took me to court his mother testified on my behalf and along with all of the evidence that I had like phone records, the judge knew he was not trying to be a father, so he got one weekend a month visitation supervised. I NEVER felt comfortable leaving him with his father, I knew he had a temper problem. Now that I live 2 hours away, my ex's MOTHER has visitation and my sons father NEVER calls. Mind you, at 6months old my son had open heart surgery. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!!

14. Mothers and babies need to be together for 6 months to a year (depends on the baby, and whether or not he is breastfeeding through the night) minimum. Grandmothers have no rights what so ever.